the worst thing about living with homophobes is that there are levels to their disgust. they’re all Bad™️ bc well we’re talking about homophobes but they speak in different kinds of gross. like take my house as an example: i have my big brother, who’s a homophobe and still uses ‘fag’ as an insult, but at the same time he’s clearly aware of the fact that i like girls and doesn’t try to change it bc he doesn’t give a fuck (don’t ask me how i have no idea of how that mind of his works) - even though he still talks a lot of shit and thinks same sex couples should ‘keep it to themselves’.
then i have my mom who’s just straight up hateful. she HATES lgbt people with a burning passion that is frightening - and sometimes embarrassing bc the poor thing… she tries so hard to make it clear she does not ‘approve’ of me. well, i’m already aware of the fact. yesterday i was thinking about all that and i came to the conclusion that sometimes you let things go just for the sake of mantaining your mental heath (mine’s already too fucked up so it doesn’t make much of a difference to me) bc in the end fighting so much and with so much intent doesn’t do you any good, it just leaves you withered.
i was in the car with my brother waiting for my mom (she was buying us some sandwiches and stuff) and he said such stupid and clearly homophobic things to me but tbh i couldnt even gather the courage to be angry or sad at him because i was already so SO tired. i had already cried, i was sad, stressed out and pissed off, looking like complete crap and i just wanted the whole world to fucking end at that point. i didnt have any more energy to feel some type of way bc of his nasty comments. so yeah, he can go on with his awful line of thought for all i care. i’ve heard worse coming out of my own mother’s mouth to the point that the things he says are like 6 in a bigotry scale from 1-12, 10 being my mother and 12 the worst of the absolute worst of bigots.